i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize