I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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