God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it hurts more in the daytime
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
