Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
