At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
