Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
