Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
