The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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