I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
