I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
