I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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