dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
