when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
