I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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