I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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