I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
