Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Randomize