I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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