i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
