I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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