Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
