"it" just moved
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
