They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
