Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
