I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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