What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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