just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
