Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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