Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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