I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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