he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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