Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
