Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
