My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We need to get me chipped asap
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
