I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
