well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
