I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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