You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
