i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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