Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
