Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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