So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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