Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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