I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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