i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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