I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
