The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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