; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
