conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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