You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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