i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
