Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
