she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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