Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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