So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
