I looked at my own cervix.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize