yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
