Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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