Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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