i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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