The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize