I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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