you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
