That's when you crack a 10am beer
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
