Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
