I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
