Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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