So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
