i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
