I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
